Dear Ashamed

To Whom It May Concern:

If you really knew me, you would not love me. And I don’t want to lose you and your love, so I can’t dare show you the real me. That’s why I lie. That’s why I smile when I want to cry. That’s why I say yes when I want to say no and no when I want to say yes. That’s why I spend when I should save; suck in when I really want to exhale; manipulate; cover up; drink up and show up when I would rather be home in bed. 

It’s exhausting. The idea of being free of secrets and fabrications is dreamy. But

I’m no fool. I know exactly what would happen if I opened up. (Whatever that means.) I’d lose your respect, your love, you! So, I will pass.

Sincerely, 

Ashamed

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Dear Ashamed Assured,

Because I know all about you I love you. The very thing you spend so much time and energy trying to hide is already known by the only person who even matters. That’s why the truth is ok. That’s why you can cry, say how you really feel, set boundaries, let it all hang out, and be you! I know you are a nice person—a good, kind girl. The problem isn’t the content of your deepest darkest secret. The problem is your misbelief that your value is dictated by your actions. You are afraid that your deepest fears will become a reality. You are so afraid you will fail and disappoint . . . again. As a result, you are isolated, silenced, exhausted, not to mention mistaken. You forgot to turn the page after that chapter in life where you deemed yourself guilty. On the next page are these words: “There is no condemnation of those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Your feet don’t match your heart right now. I can help!

 From Adam and Eve with their great “fall” to Peter and his infamous betrayal: You are not the only one to ever face shame and regret over your behavior. “Shame” will only tell you that you are a sinner with a horrible past. I am here to tell you that you are also justified with an even better future. You used to walk in recklessness and defiance, but now you can walk in newness of life (Titus 3:3–7; Romans 6:4). 

 Embrace that comfort mentioned earlier from Romans 8:1. Rest Assured. Know that the feet of a nice person—the good, kind girl that your every heartbeat declares you to be—CAN walk this truth out!

Truly Yours,

Grace