Today is one of those days when I don’t want to pray. I don’t want to open my Bible and read it. I don’t want to turn on worship music and listen to some artist express how Ioved they are by God and how they stand in awe of that love. I don’t want to read an encouraging devotional or blog post. I don’t even want to reflect on anything or think about anything.
I just want to crawl back in my bed, bury myself under my covers, and sleep. Sleep until I feel like waking up. Sleep until things are different. Sleep until the house is clean, the kids are raised, and my husband is a mind reader. I want to sleep until all the sick people I know are well, the poor I saw are fed, and the lonely people I noticed are hugged.
It would feel good. It would be my escape from the stress. It would give me a moment of respite from having to deal with the stuff I’d rather not deal with. It would create for me a space in which all the pain, the need, the fear, and the anger are not present. If only I could sleep.
Then I realized that I could sleep. If I wanted to crawl back into bed and bury myself under my covers as I curl up into my oh-so-comfy side fetal position, I absolutely could. I realized I don’t have to open my Bible and read it, turn on a worship song or sing it, nor do I have to pray, write, reflect, bow, kneel, or do anything else that my mind and body sincerely do not want to do.
I can just sleep.
And when I wake up, the cleaning, the raising, the explaining, the sickness, the needs, and the loneliness will all be there to greet me.
As it turns out, issues can’t be slept away. All the snoozing in the world won’t lead to a resolution.
It’s days like this when I can choose to challenge my flesh. My body and mind want to escape. But my soul and spirit won’t have it. It’s days like this when I can choose to open my Bible and read, “Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up” (Psalm 71:20).
It’s days like this when I can choose to listen to Lauren Daigle sing, “I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough . . . [yet] you say I am loved.”
It’s days like this when I can choose to reflect on how faithful He’s been so far.
When I choose resting in Him over sleeping in bed, I find a refuge; not an escape. I find power; not excuses. I find hope; not despair.
When I choose to read my Bible, worship my Lord, pray in His name, and reflect on His goodness as well as the goodness around me, I’m reminded that I am a part of the process. I just need to wake up and do my part.
The good news is I don’t have to depend on the will power of my mind and my body to do it. I can do it all through the power of His spirit that lives in me.
Today is one of those days.